They'll tell you to make a list with every quality you want in a husband. They'll instruct you to pray over this list nightly. They'll ask you to examine the list before agreeing to have coffee with a guy. They'll tsk if only 17 of the 20 qualities have been met and tell you the Lord is capable of sending a man with all twenty.
You'll cancel the coffee date. When the guy we'll call Brandon asks you why, you'll tell him because the Lord told you so. Also, you're dating Jesus, so going on a coffee date is pretty much adultery, and Jesus isn't the kind of man you should cheat on.
Brandon says he'll pray for you. You assure him you'll pray for him, but you won't. He's not your husband, and the man you pray for is on the other side of your list, the one with the crease nearly torn from being unfolded and folded again before tucking it into your Bible, between the pages of Song of Solomon, the love story you've been promised.
In five years maybe you'll be married. But maybe not. Maybe you'll come to your fiftieth birthday with the list still unchecked by a man with all twenty. You've moved the list elsewhere by now, as it bangs a gong you can't stand to hear, but you still have every item memorized, except now you're willing to just take three of the twenty. But even this you cannot seem to find.
This is for my single ladies, the girls who ask me what to do: Go out on dates. Talk to men. Smile. Pay for the coffee if you feel more comfortable doing so.
Don't think about marriage until you've gotten to know the man. Stand firm in your convictions; don't adjust them under anyone's pressure--whether the coercion comes from culture, the church, a guy, or me.
Climb mountains, conquer jungles, sail seas. Live your lives as free as you can dream. It's in the wild abandon of your being you that you might find whatever it is you're looking for.
You don't have to get it right on the first try. Be open to the idea of possibilities, of freedom, grace. Be open to wisdom, the God-given insight you have that allows you to say no, or yes, or maybe. If you're closed, the answer invariably will be no.
Join the conversation at Prism :: Single Ladies, an event I'm hosting on May 20 in Phoenix, Arizona.
Ask your questions, share your voice, and be heard.